busy being

“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” Psalm 119:105

It’s hard to just be. I struggle with allowing God to take control. Sounds silly right? My heart knows that I worship a God who has all things in control. He can handle any situation given to Him. He knows my worries, fears, and burdens. If it was my heart’s decision I wouldn’t struggle with giving over those things, but there’s a battle within me. My head is telling me “girl, figure it out. plan ahead. plan WAY ahead and guide your own life.” But all that Christ calls me to do is obey. If I would do that everything would be taken care of. When I obey, God speaks. When I obey, I move as God speaks and so on. You see the pattern. Obedience is everything. It’s the easiest concept, yet it’s the hardest action.

Sometimes I think back and wonder what I would be doing if I just allowed God to guide me completely. Would I be overseas? Would I be at a different college? Would I be working somewhere in a state far away? Who knows. That’s not the point though. The point is realizing that God wants what is best for me and you. That’s a promise. It may not be what we see as best. That’s partially because we have a temporal mindset most times. I wonder what God would do if I quit planning and just rest in His Word and plan?  I shouldn’t wonder, I should just do it and trust in Him. That’s all He wants. He wants me to trust and obey Him fully. I say I do that, but I absolutely don’t. I hand Him only parts of my future and life, but I hold back and plan the other areas of my life.

My prayer is to be released from the mindset of planning. I want to be released from the bondage of control and worry. I want to live in the now with an eternal mindset. That may sound contradictory, but it’s not. I want to wake up each day and strategically go out and further the Kingdom. That’s God’s ultimate goal for us. He wants us to spread His love and grace. It seems like a pretty easily accomplished goal especially if i’m obeying God.

But reality is I don’t wake up each morning with a clear mindset on what my day holds. I don’t claim to know all the answers. I refuse to claim that I spread the love of God daily. I can be a rude and cold-hearted person sometimes. Especially on the days that I forget how forgiven and loved I first was. One way I can show God’s love is through my art. I have a huge opportunity to show His love while taking photos of seniors, families, and couples. I am given those two hours to capture memories and shed light in their life. It could be through my work ethic, the words I choose to say, or how I affirm them. I am aware of the impact I am able to have and I am ready to run with it.

Since my 10th grade year, I’ve had the feeling of something big in my future. I’ve never understood what exactly it entailed, but anytime I think of my future and my goals I get an adrenaline rush. By opening different doors in my life, He continues to affirm my feelings about my future. I know He has huge plans for me that are even better than what I’m recording on post-it notes. All I have to do is obey.

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