Who do you find it in? Or for me..what do you find it in?

I’ve always been a chunky kid. I was cute no doubt..but I was chunky. I never thought anything was wrong with it. I always figured that this is what was supposed to happen. Why would I care what size I was at 9 and 10 years old? Thinking back, I can remember the moment that my view began to change. It was during my dance class while trying on those (God forsaken) spandex recital outfits. Those were the death of me and ultimately the reason I dropped dance. I realized that the other girls fit better and looked better in them. I noticed that I was constantly put on the back row no matter how much I knew the dance or not. It was all image. That’s where it all began.

I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. — Bill Cosby

It started last March. I was in a rut. I would look at myself in the mirror and be disgusted at what I was looking at. I look back now and realize there was nothing wrong with myself, but it was my mind that had the issues. It’s been over a year since my workout frenzy began. I started out doing a little cardio here and there. When I began to see results, I went nuts. With the help of a great friend, I got hooked on p90x and began to love the results from that. My boyfriend at the time  was fit and I was not about to look  frumpy next to him. I started finding my security in the gym and in the booklet that prompted me with workouts that kicked my butt. I consistently worked out six days a week. Some days harder than others, but never skipping a day! I wanted to see results faster so I began to change my diet. Chicken and veggies was the basis of my diet. I was proud of that. Man was I proud. My abs that were hidden for so long began to show and my self-esteem began going up. No matter how much weight I lost and muscle I gained, I still wanted more. I was never satisfied. It wasn’t until coming to college, I realized that working out was my idol. You would think that taking care of my body and eating healthy is what God wants. Of course that is what God wants, but once it becomes thought about and acted out more than my walk with Christ, it needs adjustment.

1 Samuel 16:7

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

Our world is so consumed with self-image and looking up to the standard of celebrities that we lose site of what ultimately matters. Fitting in a size two pants and a small top is not what glorifies God. It is solely for our pleasure and glorification of self. I would work out for people to compliment me. Honestly, who was I glorifying by getting abs and being able to actually do push-ups?? Certainly not God. I was constantly seeking security from others when I should have been embracing the security Christ promises.

1 Peter 3:3-4

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

We have to remember we are beautiful. We are made in the image of God. No doubt, being healthy is a great lifestyle and can be glorifying God, but you have to realize that there is a fine line between glorifying God and glorifying self. It’s a tough pill to swallow and is almost impossible to completely do. We live in this world so we are daily engulfed in what the world wants us to look like or what it wants us to wear. But I promise that no matter how hard you push or the amount of food you {don’t} consume, security will never be found unless you seek Christ. It is a constant reach. No matter what results I have I find myself thirsting for more. It wears on your mentally, emotionally, and physically. By allowing Christ to take hold of that, my views on body image have been changed.

Someone’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality. — Les Brown

side note: I am still struggling with this issue. It’s a daily battle of changing my site to where it is more like Christ’s. I look at myself and embrace the body that God has given me. I worry less about changing it to fit the world’s standards and focus more on if I’m glorifying his name with it. No doubt, I am not perfect. No doubt, I do things that are unhealthy. But like I said, It’s a battle. It’s a daily struggle between my Spirit and flesh.

3 thoughts on “Security

  1. This is such a lovely beautiful post (as is your blog in general!) and something I think we all need to hear more of. I literally heard that verse from 1 Samuel the other day and it’s certainly one to take to heart. Thanks for sharing :)

  2. Pingback: my story, finale | the lazy afternoon

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