There’s always two sides to the story

It never fails.. Every Monday morning I wake up, throw some clothes on, make myself look somewhat awake, put my headphones in, and head to class. That walk to class is my time to wake up and sort of just take a breath. I have never been a morning person so music is a must for the days I have to wake up at 7:45. But as I was walking to class this morning, my ear caught the beginning of what seemed like a pretty interesting conversation. {I was not eaves-dropping, they were just talking loudly..} These two girls were going back and forth about {from what I gathered} a first date.

FRIEND: “What are you going to where?!”

GIRL ASKED ON DATE: “I don’t know!! Something cute I hope..”

FRIEND: “Oh you can definitely find something cute in your closet! You have great style..are you nervous??”

GIRL ASKED ON DATE: “I guess so, I just really want to figure out what I will wear!”

I laughed on the inside because listening to them go back and forth reminded me of the very thing that my friends and I do. Knowing the way girls respond to first dates makes me wonder what is the guy perspective like?  I know the instant that first date is established outfits flood my mind. Which one I should wear with which type of make-up? Should I curl or straighten my hair?? One or two sprays of my Burberry perfume..or maybe the DKNY would be better?? Should I wear flats or heels {I don’t want to be taller than him}?? The over-analytical side begins to kick in. This leads to the night before the date with me throwing clothes around yelling “I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR!!”. Emily usually brings me back to reality by informing me that I do, in fact, have something to wear and that I may be over-analyzing to bit too much. Don’t act surprised ladies; you know you do it too. But the question is do guys the same thing {in a masculine way. Of course..} wonder what button down they should wear? Are they questioning the type of cologne to spritz on their chest?

This is where my dear friend Taylor comes into play. We have been trying to figure out a topic to write about that potentially had two opposite opinions, a guy’s perspective and a girl’s perspective. When I over-heard the first date scenario this morning, I KNEW that this would be a great topic to dissect.

 

Fella’s view:

YO, WHAT UP LEMME HOLLA AT YA REAL QUICK!

Had to get that out. Ok, so I’m a guy, let me make that clear. I’m here to give you my outlook on this whole “first date” thing. If I don’t seem like a typical guy, then maybe I’m not. But guess what, I’m the one writing this, not you. So pipe down, or voice your opinions in the comment section.

…Really though, I’m not as rude as that intro reads. So here goes:

FIRST DATE. I feel like it’s somewhat natural to be scared of it. I mean, I’ve only been on a couple of true first dates in my life, but still, the thought of one scares me, and I’m not even going on dates! Anyway, for guys, I guess it goes something like this…

Ok wait, a caveat first. This is MY view of a first date (and the view shared by most of my friends… I think). This is definitely not to be used as a blanket description of men, but I think it suffices for most decent guys.

 

The conversation between men when talking about a first date is probably not as exciting as women may think. It usually pans out in this way:
GUY GOING ON DATE: “So, I’m taking *girl’s name* on a date this weekend.”
OTHER GUYS: “Sweet man. Where are y’all going?”
GUY GOING ON DATE: “I dunno, we’ll probably eat or whatever.”
OTHER GUYS: “Nice.”
-RESUME CONVERSATION ABOUT MAN STUFF-
Sometimes even that can be shortened down to, “Going on a date” and “Oh, cool.”

That being said, we do worry about what we’re going to wear. But not the way girls do; see, you ladies worry in public with all your friends and the whole world to see. We worry in private, in our rooms, when we’re looking in the closet thinking, “do these colors even go together?” Of course, the next thought is, “why do I care about colors? I’m a man!” Quickly followed by, “wait, what if she cares about colors?” In the end, I’m pretty sure a guy will always wear what’s comfortable over what ‘looks good’.

Alright, I lied just then. Guys will pretty much always wear whatever we want because we like to prove how much we don’t care about clothes, but I think first dates are an exception. As in, obviously I’ll put more than the usual 15 seconds of thought into my date attire.

That pretty much wraps up the whole “what to wear” fiasco. Clothes, cologne, hairstyle (if you have one) can all be figured out on the fly, because it’s not what guys are ultimately worried about.

What are we worried about on first dates? Impressions. I don’t care if you’ve known a girl for ten minutes or ten years, a first date means this will be the first time you’re with someone in this setting (the DATE setting). Make it as casual as you want, ladies; we’re still freaking out inside over whether or not things are going smoothly. What if we run out of things to talk about? What if we say/do something that annoys/embarrasses/scares her? What if she decides we’re better off as “just friends?” See, I feel like it’s a bit easier for women. You’re required to be there, and that’s about the extent of it. Guys are required to make everything happen, and that’s pretty scary.

Of course, that’s an overstatement. But my point is that guys are expected to put together these dates, and sometimes it can be hard to really relax and have fun without wondering if she’s truly having a good time. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me (but I’d bet it’s not). In the end, guys get the short end of the straw on first dates.

So women, if I had to pass along any info on how to make things easier for guys, it’s this: confidence is key. Not so much for you, but for us. If we’ve put something together, we want the assurance that it’s a good plan, and that you’re actually having fun. And don’t give me any of that, “I gave him all the right signs, but he thought I wasn’t having a good time.” That’s a whole different beast that we can get to later. We need confidence, and you can very easily help with that. Tell a guy you “love this place,” or he “made a great decision,” and it’ll probably relax him enough to enjoy himself on this date a lot more than he may have if he was still worried about what you’re thinking.

I guess that’s all for now. At least it should be; I have an exam tomorrow, and I’m not quite ready for it. I hope this wasn’t a failure. It’s just meant to give ladies a look into how we men may be feeling about situations.

…If I can add one more piece of advice, it’s this: if he doesn’t love Jesus, he won’t love you. Again, another conversation entirely, I know. But seriously, think about it.

Signing off, your Socio-quandary-solving Man,
-T.

—————————————————-

My view:

First dates can be one of two things. It can either turn out like a fairytale with everything going perfectly or it can be a complete nightmare leaving you begging for the check. The adjective to describe my ideal first date would have to be simple. Simple is usually best when it comes to first dates for several reasons. One, I want to get to know the guy. I don’t want him to make multiple attempts at impressing me or “wooing” me. I want him being himself not some romantic he thinks I want him to be. Don’t get me wrong I love flowers and compliments as much as the next girl, but that’s not what will ultimately seal the deal.

As far as clothing goes, in my mind I want it to be the perfect outfit. It can’t be too flashy or gaudy, but it also can’t be too casual. There’s nothing that says you don’t care more than not dressing to fit the occasion. You want to show the guy that you care how you look {at least in public}. I mean how do you think he feels when he has a fly looking girl walking down the street next to him? That makes him feel like the man!

Be honest and open, but be careful. Sharing too much information, like us girls tend to do, can be super-overwhelming and just unnecessary! No matter how interested he make look that poor boy does not want to hear about how Susan’s* sister went out with Ricky’s brother’s friend* behind her boyfriend’s back while her boyfriend was on a date with Susan.

One last thing, allow him to be the gentleman. I’m speaking to myself right now. I struggle with allowing the guy to open my door or pull out my seat. I even struggle with the guy paying for the entire meal. I was raised to contribute in some way, but the older I get the more I enjoy allowing him to do his thing. By letting him treat you the way he was raised to treat a lady, you can learn a lot about him and his family.

**There is no such being as Susan or Ricky. It’s for an illustration..a poor one at that.

I hope this advice gives you a different perspective on first dates. They are scary, no doubt. But the best you can be is yourself.

over and out.

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