a thirst only He can quench

Let me just say that I have not become sucked into the Hunger Game phenomenon. Sure they are great, but I just can’t get attached to it for some reason. In fact, I bought the first book on February 1st and I’m only on chapter 12. It’s a good read, but I don’t see the big hype. The last chapter I read stuck out to me though. I cannot tell you what page it was, but it was the scene when Katniss thought she was dying of dehydration (that’s right I’m not very far at all). At this point she is two days without water and wondering why Haymitch hasn’t provided anything for her. She begins going in and out of consciousness still wondering why Haymitch hasn’t saved her from death’s grip. As she sits in a tree, she realizes that Haymitch hasn’t given her supplies because she is close to the river. She understands that Haymitch was allowing her to persevere through this because she was close to a well of life.

This particular scene encourages me so much. I compared Haymitch to Christ and myself to Katniss. There are so many times when I think that I’ve been abandoned and left to die. I am constantly fighting thoughts on why I’m going through rough patches in my life. Haymitch could have easily sent provisions for Katniss, but he chose to teach her to persevere. Christ does that with me daily. He doesn’t withhold answers out of cruelty, but out of love. He knows that it will build my faith and challenge me to rely on his direction more.

Christians, including myself, easily give up and automatically assume that God left them just when they start going through hard times. It is not until after the matter that the realization of a deeper meaning is clear. Think about how much better a hard experience would be if the thought that He is teaching a lesson..a hard less..but a good lesson that will build up faith more.

I’ve been starting to feel fed up with the semester. I only have a few weeks left but I feel like they are dragging by so ridiculously slow. I cannot express how pumped I am for Spring Break. I feel like I have had a weekend to do nothing in so long. You could say i’ve been in an extended season of perseverance. I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel though. Because of that, i’m excited for the end of the semester and summer. I just have to keep pushing forward. No matter how strenuous it may be.

my take

One of the hardest things to discuss with fellow ladies is the issue of modesty. Where does the line get drawn? How extreme do you take it? What makes v-necks a no-no to wear?

All of these questions begin flooding in my mind when that topic has come up in conversations. I have never had an issue with modesty due to being a little chunky while I was growing up. Mamma never let me out of the house if I wasn’t wearing decent clothing. I never wore a bikini until high school and even then I covered my body as much as I could with shorts and coverups. I had this image and insecurity of my body from the get go. When I saw other girls who were dressed less than the amount of clothing I had on, immediately I would think negative things toward them. Recently, my mind set has been challenged by different conversations and several blog posts that I have read.

As a Christian lady, I do not want to cause ANYONE to stumble. Not just guys. Notice that i’m not saying only guys stumble from a girl’s lack of modesty. Girls stumble in that area too. Maybe not them specifically lusting after other girls, but we lust in ways that make us look down upon our body. Pride begins to build up because a female’s self-confidence plummets and all she can think about is how terrible she thinks she looks next to the girl wearing clothing that reveals more than needs be. With that being said, there is a thin line for a person think walk when thinking about what to wear. No, you obviously would not want to wear clothing that makes you booty hang out and boobs spill over, but you also should not hide yourself because you look down upon your body as ugly and sinful. You are a creation of God. He created your body beautifully no matter the size or color. You should feel comfortable in your body and in what you are wearing. If you feel most comfortable wearing long sleeves and jeans every day, not showing an inch of skin, by all means DO IT!! But do it because you want to not because you have a negative image about yourself due to years of wounds.

It’s tough to talk about where I stand because I am as modest as all get out. I do not leave my apartment without some sort of cover up on my upper body and leggings or jeans on my lower body. I love being covered up, but not necessarily for the right reasons. I love covering up because the less I show the less you can find wrong with me. See how terrible that mind set is? It is not healthy for me and has caused me a lot of hurt mentally. I should be able to walk out and be comfortable with wearing a v-neck or a razor back tank top. I should be comfortable wearing shorts in the summer and not be afraid of running around in them.

I’ve tried to think of a balanced perspective but it’s hard to make rules with modesty unless I just use scripture. Let’s use the v-neck for example. What makes a v-neck wrong to wear? Is it the v cut? is it the tightness of it? Is it the length of the shirt itself? I don’t understand it. What makes the length of a v-neck any different than a regular tank top? It’s a complete generalization. A v-neck does not fit the same on a girl who has size A boobs versus a girl who has size D boobs. I can wear a v-neck and reveal nothing where as other girls cannot. So does that mean I should not wear them just because they are seen as immodest? Absolutely not. If leggings/jeggings are not okay to wear what makes skinny jeans okay to wear? Either way the woman’s figure is being shown. There are double standards. Which by the way let me just say jeggings are never okay to wear. :) Just don’t do it.

I am pro-modesty. Don’t get it twisted. But I am also pro security in Christ. I struggle with insecurity on a weekly basis, but God is pulling me through it. He is breaking me of so many warped rules that have been programmed in my head. He is showing me that women are beautiful and are meant to know that. It is not okay for guys or girls to reveal too much in front of their peers/brother and sisters in Christ. All i’m trying to get at is check your dress with scripture. For all you know, your face could be a stumbling block to someone. If you go around constantly fearing that people are sinning because of you, you will live in bondage of their sin. Christ calls us in freedom, not freedom to go wild but freedom from the law and the ways of the world.

Lift your brothers and sisters up, If you notice that their eyes are wandering even if you feel you are being modest in dress call them up to a higher standard. Don’t let them fall into sin, but also realize you are not the reason they are sinning. It’s the sin within each of us that we give in to.

As a Christian, I am called to live up to a higher standard. I am supposed to be different from the world. That may mean the way I live my life, the way I spend money, or the way I dress, but that doesn’t mean I should be ashamed and burdened by the body Christ gave me. I should glorify Him in how I present it or treat it. Whether that means wearing a v-neck and shorts or a turtle neck and jeans.

I hope this post is clear and uplifting. I would like to know what you think. What’s your take on it?

in your head

it’s midterm week and i’m feeling a little crazy. One may say like a zombie. Normally, I wouldn’t care too much about midterms because others grades can balance those grades out blah blah blah but this semester both of my midterms count as 1 of 2 grades I will receive in my class. Not just one class is like that, both of my history classes are like that. I have been studying like a maniac which is not normal for me. I’m usually doing art projects for grades!

At Bible Study last night, God reminded me that I’ve got to prioritize right. Nothing that I do with my power can be pointed back to me anyways, so I have got to keep my eyes on him. As I was concluding my quiet time this morning, the story of Peter walking on water was brought to my mind. As long as he kept his eyes on Christ he was secure on a very insecure foundation. Once he began looking down at everything and worrying about what was going to happen he sank. I am Peter. I have to remember to keep my eyes focused on the One who matters rather than the situations around me.

I prayed last night that He would stretch my time out somehow or allow me to wake up earlier than needed and still feel rested. Let me just tell you I popped up this morning at 7:30 wide awake. My alarm isn’t until 9! Warning, do not pray if you do not want your prayer to be answered. I prayed that prayer at 1 a.m. and it was answered only six hours later, with me feeling fully rested. I serve an awesome God.

Here’s a little glimpse of how i’m feeling right about now in terms of school though. Enjoy your week!:)

gotta have faith

instagram of the day!

What a beautiful day it was today. I started it out with a morning browsing and sampling at the Farmer’s Market with a dear friend. We ate crepes that were to..drool..for. If you know me, you probably already know that I chose the peanut butter, nutella, and banana crepe. You guys it was amazing. That breakfast should have been illegal it was so good. I wanted to stay outside all day so I opted to run the lake, plus those crepes were sitting quite heavily on these hips. I haven’t run the lake in several weeks. I get in workout fads then get bored with them easily. I’ve been doing to elliptical machine for 40 minutes while reading a book. Yeah, I said reading a book; it helps me concentrate!

To switch things up I chose to run today. It’s funny because I always pray before I run..during I run..and usually end the run in me walking in circles and expressing a charismatic thanks to Him (it’s actually quite comical). I dislike running and I’m surprised every time I actually finish running. It hurts my hips and thighs and makes all kinds of things transfer from my nose to my mouth..then to the ground. There is one thing I love though, crisp cold LA air. Weather like today doesn’t come around very often so I took advantage of it. I ran the 4 mile lake in about 35 minutes. Towards the last stretch of pavement, I started freaking out in my head and I wanted to stop. I began rapping whatever Lecrae song I was listening to but I still felt slow. I said a quick “Come on God push me” prayer. Immediately, my volume somehow jumped to full blast. It scared the mess out of me I jerked my arms forward and skipped a few steps. I looked totally spastic. Especially because nobody knew what had just happened. To the outsider I had just experienced the worst twitch of my life. I began laughing hysterically out of embarrassment and the irony of the situation. The jolt of adrenaline sent by that little prank God played on me allowed me to finish my run. When I finally reached my finish mark, I realized a runner and her three-legged dog were following me. Let me just say, If I would have stopped and a three-legged dog would have passed me up, I would totally veto the lake from my life. I would have felt like a total tool! If a three-legged dog can run 4 miles so can this two-legged human!

It’s funny because the lesson I learned today went right along with a passage I read for my quiet time. It comes out of James 1:2-4.

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

Endurance is key in almost anything in life. I would have stopped running because I felt slow or tired I would be jipping myself. I would have allowed myself to be a slave to my body. I don’t know what your view on running is but this girls counts it as trouble coming my way. It takes so much out of me just to walk out the door and get myself going. I know the pain and sweat, mentally and physically, that I have to go through, but I also remember how refreshing it is in the end. I feel like I’ve conquered the world. It shows my how faithful He is in the small things. He shows me such a powerful truth through such an everyday thing. I love it.

I hope you give yourself the chance to endure life’s troubles.

I am nothing

Remain in Me, and I will remain in you. That promise is found in John 15:4. I was going over it in Bible study tonight when God revealed that truth to me even more than before. I was repeating it to the girls over and over, emphasizing the words so that the promise could sink in. As I was doing that, I felt the Spirit say to me, “Speak to your self.”

Has God ever pointed the mirror back at you while in the middle of leading a Bible study? If not, it’s crazy! Can you imagine sitting there, all eyes on you, speaking John 15:4, then the Spirit slams you back with it. He showed me that I should take the advice i’m dishing out and ABIDE in Him. The promise of Him remaining in me if I remain in Him is huge. The scripture doesn’t say “Do this, this, and this, then maybe I will remain in you”. The scripture clearly says “REMAIN in me and I WILL remain in you.” Period. There is no working my way up to a standard that God would hopefully approve of, it’s just being in Him.

I find myself praying for specific fruits of the Spirit. Maybe one week I feel like I’m lacking in patience or love so I pray “God allow me to have more patience with ____.” Wrong way of going about it right there. Instead, I should be praying “God draw me closer to you.” When I am in God, His fruit will come out of me. Just like if I listening to music degrading women, my thought process will start to lean towards that. I will start degrading myself and striving to bring myself the standard the world desires.

Whatever goes in has to come out. There is no getting around that fact. Yet God is so faithful to his promise of pouring out His Spirit when we soak Him in. I am so thankful tonight for that tonight. There are so many days where I try to do work on my strength and only crap comes out. There is nothing good without Him. It all points back to me and then fades away after the short-term glory disappears.

Without Him, I am nothing.